Bone aching, jaw clenching, my feet weigh 12 pounds a piece, I can't pretend to be nice anymore tired.
Two nights ago I wanted to hard boil eggs for an upcoming dinner (Cobb salad). I brought the water to a boil, threw in the eggs, put on the lid, and turned it to simmer. I set a timer for 20 minutes and went about the monotonous routine that is my evening (wash diapers, stuff diapers, thaw breast milk, pack baby JAR's "lunch box," prep coffee, dishes, shower, etc.). I finish my routine and go to bed.
Fast forward to 3 am. Something smells God awful. Sick diarrhea awful. I pat baby JAR's bottom to check for leakage. He's fine. I decide that the diaper can wait. I go back to sleep and have a dream that baby JAR gets debilitating diaper rash due to my gross negligence. This is upsetting but still fails to rouse me from bed. The smell gets markedly worse throughout the early morning hours. I sleep.
6:30 am and it's time to begin my equally monotonous morning routine (turn on coffee pot, feed and potty dogs, use little pencils and brushes to enhance my beauty, etc.). I change baby JAR's diaper. There is no poop. I'm puzzled. I head to the coffee pot. The smell is so strong the air practically shimmers with it. I am startled to see the little blue flames shooting from the burner of my stove. Of course I left the eggs on simmer all night--600 minutes to a hard, hard boil.
The water was completely gone and the eggs were, in a word, amazing. Black, hard and rubbery, like fossilized prehistoric chicken eggs. I'm not sure if there was a chicken-like dinosaur, but I surely recreated it's offspring. Simultaneously horrified and elated with my near-death experience, I placed the eggs on our mantle. This is tangible evidence of my exhaustion. An homage to my attempt at full-time working motherhood. Look at me. I'm sleepy.
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| I'm sad to say I threw my fossil eggs in the trash before I thought to take a picture, but this is clearly the mama of my eggs. She's probably tired too. |
