One Husband, Free to Good Home

My husband and I got into an argument, so I stomped off to my laptop and wrote an ad for him on Craigslist. It felt really good. I don't know if there are any repercussions to giving away your husband on the internet, but I can't imagine I'm the first woman to consider it. Besides, I'm just giving him to a good home, it's not like I'm asking for money. That would be human trafficking. And that, my friends, is illegal.

Here's my ad:
Nice husband. Free to good home. Don't have the time to give him the attention and exercise he needs. Doesn't seem fair to leave him in the backyard all day. Friendly with most people and children, but does not do well with cats. Vaccines current. Housetrained. I'll send him with all necessary supplies (Playstation, computer, Rock Band, and beer). Thanks.

I'll calm down in a bit. In fact, I might even feel guilty for writing the ad in the first place. But he can be mind bogglingly annoying sometimes.

I have a friend who is either a saint or a robot. She thinks her husband is perfection in a baseball hat. She asked me once, "do you ever just watch him sleep and cry because you love him so much?" Really? The only comparison I can make is when I was nine months pregnant. I struggled to get comfortable, hips aching, exhausted, and praying for the sweet release of slumber. I watched my husband sleep soundly and peacefully. Then I cried. Does that count?

The thing is, my husband is a good guy. He's a loving father and he's smart, funny, and fiercely loyal. My dad always says "the people you love the most have the power to make you the angriest." According to that math, my love for my husband is limitless.

For the record, I did not actually post the ad. The confirmation email from Craigslist is sitting in my inbox for our next argument.