1. wearing lipstick
2. owning and actually wearing matching bras and panties
3. carrying a real handbag (preferably made from an innocent animal)
4. ordering cocktails in a bar without giggling or stuttering
5. making homemade stock
Now, if I examine the above list objectively, I must admit that:
1. I look like a clown in lipstick.
2. I purchase my underwear from Costco and a discount outlet store. And if I'm completely forthright, I only wear a bra if I am forced to wander farther than my mailbox.
3. I schlep around a giant canvas tote filled with partially eaten bananas, Elmo board books, and Chapstick (see #1).
4. I don't like bars anymore. I'd rather drink a mug of cheap wine, braless (see #2) and in sweatpants, snuggled up on the couch.
5. I really do love to make homemade stock!
A simmering pot of stock on the stove makes me feel like a mature and capable woman. The kind of woman who polishes her toenails inside the lines and balances her checkbook. And unless I completely forget about it and leave it on the stove all night (why does that always happen to me?), it is simple, delicious, and safe for human consumption.
My "Recipe"
Save the bones from whatever meat you've just enjoyed and throw them in a large stockpot. Cover the bones with water.
Throw in a bunch of other stuff. It depends on my mood and the contents of my refrigerator, but I generally use chicken bones and add herbs (sage, rosemary, oregano, thyme, etc.), onion, garlic, celery, carrots, a couple of bay leaves, and salt and pepper. The lovely thing about it is there is no need to peel or chop any of the veggies, since you only keep the liquid.
Bring everything to a boil, drop the heat to low, and simmer for a while. I think the stock is most flavorful if you simmer it for an hour or so. This gives you time to engage in other, womanly activities such as taking off your bra and drinking wine from a smiley face mug. Tres chic.
Let the stock cool a bit, discard the bones and bits, strain it, and pour it into a jar. I always keep a few jars in my freezer. That way, I can whip up elegant dishes at a moment's notice. While wearing lipstick and a matching La Perla lingerie set, of course. Whoa man.
