This fine specimen is Mabel. Big JAR brought her home in a pretty transparent attempt to distract me from Project Pregnancy 2007-2009. (An entirely different, slightly manic story.) It worked. One month later I was rewarded with two lines on the stick. Thanks Mabel. (I am convinced that baby Mabel's need for constant maternal attention inspired my left ovary to drop the genetic perfection that is baby JAR.)
Mabel is a special girl. She appears moderately delayed, but beneath her slack-jawed surface is a dog with, well, probably average intelligence. Her very existence revolves around her never-ending search for the Labrador Holy Trinity: kibble, attention, and shit to chew on.
Kibble: We are responsible pet owners and of course supply Mabel with two meals a day, on schedule even, with gentle reminders from Mabel. The veterinarian recommended that we skip the dog bowl and just throw her food all over the floor. This slows her down (slightly) and prevents the very real risk of aspiration, or kibble in the lungs.
Attention: This is a little tricky with a baby. The first six months of baby JAR's life were tough on Mabel. Desperate for any attention, positive or negative, Mabel upped the frequency and intensity of her behaviors. She dumped the kitchen garbage can and dragged the contents around the house. She ate my new Flip camera containing precious video of newborn JAR. She ripped up receiving blankets. She eliminated all over the floor. She ran away. Several times. In turn, I consistently provided her with crazynosleepoverwhelmeddon'tyoudareputanythingelseonmyplate new mom screaming. I called her the chocolate devil and threatened to give her to the next person I saw walking down the street. Lucky for her, we live on a very quiet culdesac.
Shit to chew on: To date, Mabel has chewed (and consequently destroyed)... 2 fans, 1 alarm clock, 3 cell phones, 1 Flip camera, 2 baseball hats, 3 pajama pants, 2 receiving blankets, 1 bottle warmer, 1 dishwasher basket, 1 package double-stuffed Oreos, 2 packages uncooked whole wheat noodles, 4 dining room chairs, 1 glass Christmas ornament, 1 USB drive, 1 down comforter, 1 drain pipe, 1 box of organic rice cereal, 2 dog beds, and many, many books, magazines, and piles of cat poop.
 |
| This phone lasted less than a week. |
So, Mabel, queen of my heart, you make crazy better than most. And that's what I like about you.
